Starring:

Matt!

Keith!

Chris!

Mark!

So.

(Makes sound of youthful despair)

I actually thought that was pretty cool but it was... a little long.

I lost interest after about the first hour.

You know what I was noticing?

I actually found the first hour way more interesting than the second.

I liked the second hour better 'cause it had all the action and shit!

Yeah, but the action was just like, "Look, action. I've never seen an action movie before."

Good old John Woo.
"You just drive the bike, I'll blow it up!"

That guy's just got more style in his action, he's got the cool ass music and the birds and stuff...

I don't know man, but that big bike thing... I mean, what was with him spinning around shooting people, that's bullshit! Fuck, I hate that shit... The thing that I don't know, I might have missed something; the big bad guy in that, when did he turn evil, did he used to be like the good... like working for the same spy deal?

See, there's two things. First, he stood to make a lot of money and second, he hated the way Tom Cruise was always smiling and stuff. Ooh! It just got under his skin, motherfucker!

Man, that guy's as crooked as us!

...Yeah, uh, yeah. But overall though, I actually thought it was kind of cool. It was better than I thought it would be.

Man, every time he was sliding off–

I almost wouldn't be opposed to seeing it again.

So, so much with the masks... like when the buddy–

Oh, the masks were gay.

There's, like, five in a row!

That should've been at the end: The chick could be the black guy, Tom Cruise could be the australian guy... And what that... "Don't worry, I won't lose you. I fucked you one whole time and if something happens to you, I might not be able to fuck you twice!" I mean, that was lame.

Oh yeah.

...it's bullshit...

But all in all, the best part in the movie was the part where they were in the tub and they just kept giving us those beautiful, beautiful cleavage shots!

Oh yeah! Right from the, oh yeah, that was good.

I was like, ah, here's a cleavage shot for you. Hey, guess what? Here's another one! And another one...

The one scene of her occasional bralessness. Should have had more bralessness. I'm down with the bralessness.

{Walking to and then driving in Matt's car}

Hey uh, when Tom Cruise, uh, dressed up like a woman, did you guys find him sexy?

He did that?

No... it was a failed attempt at a joke.

I see... you have arthritis?

We should say that every time a joke sucks!

Whenever we're in an uncomfortable situation, it's Too Much Pie. Whenever a joke sucked it's Arthritis. We're gonna make this Simpson language yet.

And then, uh...

Ah, but there's, uh, no such team as the Spungo's.

Fustigation aside, gentlemen, that was a pretty shitty movie.

You see man, we have a Simpsons language, literally!

Totally.

...even though it's completely nonsensical.

And, uh, and then, uh, "Hey Keith, I think we might have to work out a system of blinks!"

What was it, uh... We're probably like, when you look in textbooks, we're probably clinically retarded. Saying gibberish that makes no sense!

{Later in car}

The thing, you know actually like the last little insult of that movie? When, he has a gun right at Tom's back, he's like–

Yeah, why didn't he fucking shoot him?

And by the time he–

Fuck!

I hate people that talk instead of shoot... people–

If you're gonna shoot, shoot, if you're gonna talk, talk.

{End}

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