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Final Destination – Rough Transcript
Starring:
They should have marketed it as a comedy for fuck's sakes...
The bitch getting the knife in the chest, and then the chair driving it in further...
Determined or not, that girl is long dead.
Everytime someone said, "You're gonna die", they fucking died.
And then that bus scene... man! I swear to god, I think someone got hit by one of her eyeballs. I saw something go flying.
You saw an eyeball hit somebody? I didn't even catch that.
I'm not sure if they put that in, but...
Man, that bus part, that freaked the shit out of me.
And the head-chopping.
"You're gonna drop dead!" Boom!
"You're gonna fucking die!" (crash sound)
Besides all the death, though, the rest of the movie gentlemen, I'm sorry, there were some serious fucking problems.
Coulda used some tightening up.
The secret word for that movie: Bad Acting.
That was kinda funny, that guy kept, on the bike...
The ending was quite lame.
"Man, you asshole!"
It's weird how in Road Trip that guy was the cool guy, really funny, and now he's like the nerdy guy.
You know what the worst part about that entire movie: They didn't all fucking die at the end.
They were gonna. They got a little break.
It's just looping, yeah, it's coming. I'd laugh if they showed like, eighty years later, the guy's sitting there: "You never got me, motherfucker..." (has heart-attack)
"You guys... seriously..." As soon as that bitch threw the towel on those knives I'm like man... Bickety-Bam! I think they're coming down.
You're dead, honky!
When the bitch got hit by the bus, it was a total flashback to fucking Bride of Chucky.
That was nice... So yeah, I mean it wasn't great, but it was definitely worth watching for just those few wicked scenes.
The best part of the entire movie was when they played-
Nine Inch Nails
At least buddy has taste.
And the black dude, I mean, every time he's in a movie he's in something weird...
Yeah, what was up with that guy?
"Yo, I know voodoo man, I be seeing you soon!"
That bitch is black as night!
Yeah, that plane part though, that was even cooler than the Fight Club one, just keeps going, people keep getting pulled out...
Like, when the guy leans back-
...when the fire goes over his face and he's all fucking burning.
Yeah.
Taking it. Bring it on, bitch!
Yeah, take it, bitch! (simulates putting out a cigarette on an imaginary bitch's ass)
I can't believe they got a plane again! How fucking dumb was that?
Man, you know what I'd say?
They just wanted to have some expensive Paris shots. Ooh, la de da! Oui oui!
Take that-
Now we will see who is de frog!
The life of a frog, that's the life for me.
Yeah, we're gonna start doing french versions of these as well, all translated...
Alors, c'est un bon film!
Ah hon hon!
C'etait bon quand les personnes...
On mourie.
Etait meurt, oui.
That big black guy should have come back at the end and just chopped off all their heads. That woulda been awesome! I mean, then he coulda said some other fucking bullshit lines, you know, made another 20 bucks for being in the picture.
Oh yeah, Big Momma's House must be coming soon, we've gotta go see it. That's gonna be a good rant.
Flashlight? He doesn't have two flashlights down there, boys! One of them's his big black cock! That's the joke!
"And when you went up, I could feel you." I'm like, what the fuck?
Yeah. That was weak.
The only good part-
It was weak that they never fucked. A budget movie like that, you would expect some tit in it.
When I saw the tight shirts I'm like, "Those ones are coming out!"
If you had to pick the best death out of that entire thing, what would you say it was?
I gotta go with the bus.
I gotta go with the bus, too.
Who was driving that bus?
The black guy!
It was the black guy!
He just like looks out the window: "Yes!" Keeps going.
Crosses out this line.
Or the teacher, I'm sorry...
...that's adding insult to injury.
The bus was the best death, but that fucking teacher just got it hard, man...
I think Mark said it best when he said:
...what?
Agh... "Fuck Death, fuck him right in the ear!"
Oh, right! Yeah! I forgot all about that one!
And you call me the silly Sweed!
Well he may be silly, but he's not Swedish.
Not yet, anyway though.
...could put a little Swedish in you...
Man, this tape's gonna incriminate us later in life when we have real careers.
{change of venue: Matt's car with Matt, Keith, Dan and Jay.}
Think about it.
And how!
Alright?
Yeah.
Every time you see a death in like, a slasher flick, you go (garbled). Every time someone died in that movie, what was the reaction?
OH YEAH!!
MOTHERFUCKER!!
You fucking laughed your ass off. Actually, I think it was just us, 'cause I didn't notice the rest of the theatre laughing.
Yeah, I was like, "Whoa! Fucking yeah!"
I think we seriously have been desensitized to violence.
{Later, in car}
You know what's really gay, though? When you think about it, they could make a sequel where him and the chick just save each other from dying for two and a half hours!
"That was close!"
"You're damn right!"
"Whoa, that was even closer!"
"Fuck, keep moving!"
"I think we're in the clear now... Jesus Christ!"
{End}
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