Starring:

Keith!

Dan!

{A sampling of our conversation on the walk home}

You know what's scary?

What?

Where The Heart Is was fucking better than that movie!

It was a lot better! See that's the thing, when you've got those cheesy chick flicks they're not bad sometimes, they can have a certain coolness to them, but not that one. That had nothing.

You know what one of the worst parts about that movie was?

What?

When I put my hat over my eyes and was trying to go to sleep, I hear these, this stupid fucking dialogue, and it's keeping me awake...

We walked out of the fucking thing.

Yeah, just to make that clear. Actually, I dunno, we should have walked out earlier, but that was when I just knew that there was no fucking salvation coming.

"Can you let me love you?"
Fuck you, you fucking tit!

And we didn't get to see Winona's tits. Again.

She never shows them. It's brutal.

Bitch. Go to hell you fucking whore.

I mean, she's been in some fucking bad movies, but that's the worst one.

No but like, d'you notice we had it totally pegged in the first 20 minutes? Like, not even 20 minutes, the first fucking 5 minutes: Well, Richard Gere's a dirty old man.

Winona Ryder's a stupid slut.

A stupid fucking little bitch. And, ah, yeah, that's about it. And they're gonna get together and there's gonna be hilarious hijinx!

Like... no! What a fucking... ugh! You and your unhealthy obsession with Winona Ryder!

I've gotta say, it's been seriously fucking, uh, damaged tonight. I mean normally you can go to a Winona Ryder flick and it might suck but not like, you know.

But she at least does a good job.

But you don't fucking walk out.

I still don't even know the name of the fucking movie!!

August in October, uh, September in New York, I dunno.

They equate being stupid with being ooh! What a unique, fresh soul! Energizes my life 'cause she's a dumb fucking whore!

"I maek funy hats!"

"i... im Charrlot aaaadfgshdfgdf..."

"i'm sharlott, i, Im guna die, adn I mke funy hats! Wana se mie booobiz shaek? Do do do do!"

{End}

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